Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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