I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
