i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
