as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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