I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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