If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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