Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
