It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
