We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
