Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
