hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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