Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
