I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
