I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
