I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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