can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
