hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
