i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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