Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
