Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
