I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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