She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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