so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
