i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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