I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
