i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he fucked my hip out of place.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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