A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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