matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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