honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
