Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
