So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
