she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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