dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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