Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
