If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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