Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
