I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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