Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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