How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
