you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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