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why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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