Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
