Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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