dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
