I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
