no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
