He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
