I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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