By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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