Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
