And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
