There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
