just come out here and I will go home with you...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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