I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
