Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
