Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
