2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
