Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
