Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
