I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
