have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
