I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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