Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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