Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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