And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
