you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
