Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
