I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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