You smell like stripper and shame
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So apparently I’m into choking now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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